I don't really like the hanna bolli one so I'm starting a new one:
Polly looked out the frosty window at the white flakes that were slowly falling to the ground. Everything was covered in a glittery white blanket making the landscape look fantastical. Polly sighed as she went back to wrapping her gift. The glass doll was poorly covered by a messy piece of giftwrap, the face still visibe. Polly shook her head, ripped of the paper and started over. "Polly! are you ready yet?" her older sister Jan called. Polly quickly stopped wrapping and stuffed the doll into a gift bag and stacked tissue paper on top. "This'll have to do," she sighed as she took the bag and walked out the door into the hallway. "Polly! Come on we don't want to be late!" "I'm coming, I'm coming," Polly shouted back. She ran down the stairs and grabbed her coat. "Come on!" Jan said from the doorway. "Okay," Polly replied as they set out. "Do we have to walk all the way to Grandma's?" Polly asked as they walked along the frozen river. "Yes, we can't afford to rent a carriage," Jan replied. "Did you wrap the doll for Susie?" she asked looking down at the bag in Polly's hand. Polly lifted it up. "Oh Polly!" she wailed, "It looks terrible! Look, you can see the doll's face right here!" They stopped and Jan rewrapped the doll. "I wish you would've wrapped it in paper," Jan said as they started off again. "Me too," Polly sighed. Jan didn't hear her.
"Me too," Polly sighed. Jan didn't hear her. It took them half an hour to reach their grandma’s house. The house was fairly small, of dark wood. With the snow on the roof and the candlelight shining through the windows, it looked like a little gingerbread house. Jan knocked on the door. “Oh Jan!” their grandmother cried when she opened the door. “You’re finally here! Oh do please come in out of the cold!” She ushered Jan in and was about to close the door on Polly, but Polly was too quick. “Oh you poor thing!” Aunt Kit exclaimed wrapping Jan in a fleece blanket and sitting her down by the fire. “You must be freezing! Oh! And you brought a gift for Susie! How nice of you!” She took the bag from Jan and set it with the rest of the gifts, which practically filled up the whole corner, there were so many. Jan glanced at Polly, who was still standing in the doorway. Polly walked across the room, set the parcel by the other gifts and sat by the fireplace. There was her grandmother and grandfather, Aunt Kit and Uncle Hubert, and Aunt Sophie and Uncle Dawson and no one seemed to notice her. The woman were too busy telling Jan all the new gossip going around and the men were playing cards. “Oh! And did you hear about the Reed’s? Their eldest daughter is engaged! Did you hear that? Engaged! I never thought I’d see the day,” Aunt Kit was saying. She noticed Polly looking at her and gave her a very hostile look, which made Polly feel extremely uncomfortable. “Polly,” she said, faking a smile, “Why don’t you go upstairs and play with the other children?” “I think I will, Aunty, but first I would like to warm up,” Polly said politely. “Hmm,” Aunt Kit scoffed. She raised an eyebrow and glared at Polly again. “Anyways Jan, Mrs. Reed invited me to the wedding, but she refused to let my Susie come! Is not that the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard?” “It is,” Jan replied, unenthusiastically. “Oh! And I almost forgot. Did you hear…?” Polly didn’t hear the rest as she left the room and climbed up the narrow staircase to see what the younger children were up to.
Polly didn’t hear the rest as she left the room and climbed up the narrow staircase to see what the other children were up to. The upper floor was cheerfully lit by at least ten candles. In the corner was a small Christmas tree with a couple presents underneath, making the room even more cheerful. And to top it off, Polly’s cousins Susie, Dorothy, and Walt, were singing Sleigh Ride while her cousin Lila played the piano. There was a window on the south side of the room, above the piano that revealed that the snow was still falling outside. It was such a wonderful sight that Polly stood transfixed at the top of the stairs. When the singing stopped, she came out of her reverie and walked across the room. “Hello Polly!” Walt said enthusiastically. “Look who finally decided to show up!” Susie said not unkindly. “Hi,” Polly said. “So, do tell us, is it true that Jan is engaged?” Lila asked. “What? Where did you hear that?” Polly replied, thoroughly surprised. “Oh! I told you guys!” Lila said. “They tried to spy downstairs and said they heard Aunt Kit say the words ‘engaged’ and ‘Jan’,” she explained to Polly. The others gave a nervous laugh. “Anyways,” Dorothy said obviously changing the subject, “What took you so long to get here?” “Um…well,” Polly was too embarrassed to tell them that they couldn’t afford a carriage. “We had to walk,” she finally said rather quietly. “Oh, well I’m just glad you’re finally here. Now you can play the piano for us! I mean, no offense to Lila, it’s just that…” Walt started. “Oh, I understand. I know I’m not as good as her," Lila interrupted.
“Oh, I understand. I know I’m not as good as her, Lila interrupted. After performing a few songs, the kids went downstairs. The grown-ups were still talking and playing cards so the kids joined the men in a game of spoons. The card table was next to the entrance into the kitchen and since Polly was closest to it, she overheard a bit of information passing between Aunt Kit and grandma in the kitchen. “I know Kit but do you honestly think that Polly would adhere to that? I mean after all that’s happened…” Grandma whispered rather loudly for a whisper. “Yes, and I’m sure she would just love watching over my dear Susie,” Aunt Kit replied in a hushed voice. She poked her head out the doorway just to make sure no one was listening and then continued. “Besides, I’m sure she could use a better education.” “Polly! Hello, you’re holding up the line,” Dorothy interrupted. Polly looked down and saw cards piling up in front of her. “Oh, sorry,” she said absentmindedly. After the game, in which Uncle Dawson won, they commenced to the dining room to eat.
Sarah i think yours is really good. You are good at oh how do you say it....describing the situation making it clear in your mind. i want to read more!
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I don't really like the hanna bolli one so I'm starting a new one:
Polly looked out the frosty window at the white flakes that were slowly falling to the ground. Everything was covered in a glittery white blanket making the landscape look fantastical. Polly sighed as she went back to wrapping her gift. The glass doll was poorly covered by a messy piece of giftwrap, the face still visibe. Polly shook her head, ripped of the paper and started over.
"Polly! are you ready yet?" her older sister Jan called. Polly quickly stopped wrapping and stuffed the doll into a gift bag and stacked tissue paper on top.
"This'll have to do," she sighed as she took the bag and walked out the door into the hallway.
"Polly! Come on we don't want to be late!"
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Polly shouted back. She ran down the stairs and grabbed her coat.
"Come on!" Jan said from the doorway.
"Okay," Polly replied as they set out. "Do we have to walk all the way to Grandma's?" Polly asked as they walked along the frozen river.
"Yes, we can't afford to rent a carriage," Jan replied. "Did you wrap the doll for Susie?" she asked looking down at the bag in Polly's hand. Polly lifted it up.
"Oh Polly!" she wailed, "It looks terrible! Look, you can see the doll's face right here!" They stopped and Jan rewrapped the doll.
"I wish you would've wrapped it in paper," Jan said as they started off again.
"Me too," Polly sighed. Jan didn't hear her.
what do you think?
I was thinking around like little women time
touche! But wouldn't the boy have known about branxton if he was friends with martha?
the polly one? ok heres more
"Me too," Polly sighed. Jan didn't hear her. It took them half an hour to reach their grandma’s house. The house was fairly small, of dark wood. With the snow on the roof and the candlelight shining through the windows, it looked like a little gingerbread house. Jan knocked on the door.
“Oh Jan!” their grandmother cried when she opened the door. “You’re finally here! Oh do please come in out of the cold!” She ushered Jan in and was about to close the door on Polly, but Polly was too quick.
“Oh you poor thing!” Aunt Kit exclaimed wrapping Jan in a fleece blanket and sitting her down by the fire. “You must be freezing! Oh! And you brought a gift for Susie! How nice of you!” She took the bag from Jan and set it with the rest of the gifts, which practically filled up the whole corner, there were so many. Jan glanced at Polly, who was still standing in the doorway. Polly walked across the room, set the parcel by the other gifts and sat by the fireplace. There was her grandmother and grandfather, Aunt Kit and Uncle Hubert, and Aunt Sophie and Uncle Dawson and no one seemed to notice her. The woman were too busy telling Jan all the new gossip going around and the men were playing cards.
“Oh! And did you hear about the Reed’s? Their eldest daughter is engaged! Did you hear that? Engaged! I never thought I’d see the day,” Aunt Kit was saying. She noticed Polly looking at her and gave her a very hostile look, which made Polly feel extremely uncomfortable. “Polly,” she said, faking a smile, “Why don’t you go upstairs and play with the other children?”
“I think I will, Aunty, but first I would like to warm up,” Polly said politely.
“Hmm,” Aunt Kit scoffed. She raised an eyebrow and glared at Polly again. “Anyways Jan, Mrs. Reed invited me to the wedding, but she refused to let my Susie come! Is not that the most ridiculous thing you have ever heard?”
“It is,” Jan replied, unenthusiastically.
“Oh! And I almost forgot. Did you hear…?” Polly didn’t hear the rest as she left the room and climbed up the narrow staircase to see what the younger children were up to.
nice sarah. I like it a lot. :)
i don't really know what the point of the polly one is yet so if you have any ideas of where it could go please tell me.
Sarah I like yours. I actually want to find out what happens. You made it seem real christmasy its cool.
More of the Polly story
Polly didn’t hear the rest as she left the room and climbed up the narrow staircase to see what the other children were up to. The upper floor was cheerfully lit by at least ten candles. In the corner was a small Christmas tree with a couple presents underneath, making the room even more cheerful. And to top it off, Polly’s cousins Susie, Dorothy, and Walt, were singing Sleigh Ride while her cousin Lila played the piano. There was a window on the south side of the room, above the piano that revealed that the snow was still falling outside. It was such a wonderful sight that Polly stood transfixed at the top of the stairs. When the singing stopped, she came out of her reverie and walked across the room.
“Hello Polly!” Walt said enthusiastically.
“Look who finally decided to show up!” Susie said not unkindly.
“Hi,” Polly said.
“So, do tell us, is it true that Jan is engaged?” Lila asked.
“What? Where did you hear that?” Polly replied, thoroughly surprised.
“Oh! I told you guys!” Lila said. “They tried to spy downstairs and said they heard Aunt Kit say the words ‘engaged’ and ‘Jan’,” she explained to Polly. The others gave a nervous laugh.
“Anyways,” Dorothy said obviously changing the subject, “What took you so long to get here?”
“Um…well,” Polly was too embarrassed to tell them that they couldn’t afford a carriage. “We had to walk,” she finally said rather quietly.
“Oh, well I’m just glad you’re finally here. Now you can play the piano for us! I mean, no offense to Lila, it’s just that…” Walt started.
“Oh, I understand. I know I’m not as good as her," Lila interrupted.
I like your story. I know thats not a very helpful review but i don't know how to explain it. I mean its very well written and interesting.
Polly
“Oh, I understand. I know I’m not as good as her, Lila interrupted. After performing a few songs, the kids went downstairs. The grown-ups were still talking and playing cards so the kids joined the men in a game of spoons. The card table was next to the entrance into the kitchen and since Polly was closest to it, she overheard a bit of information passing between Aunt Kit and grandma in the kitchen.
“I know Kit but do you honestly think that Polly would adhere to that? I mean after all that’s happened…” Grandma whispered rather loudly for a whisper.
“Yes, and I’m sure she would just love watching over my dear Susie,” Aunt Kit replied in a hushed voice. She poked her head out the doorway just to make sure no one was listening and then continued. “Besides, I’m sure she could use a better education.”
“Polly! Hello, you’re holding up the line,” Dorothy interrupted. Polly looked down and saw cards piling up in front of her.
“Oh, sorry,” she said absentmindedly. After the game, in which Uncle Dawson won, they commenced to the dining room to eat.
Sarah i think yours is really good. You are good at oh how do you say it....describing the situation making it clear in your mind. i want to read more!
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